I met Marcelle Ciampi a few weeks ago over zoom, and she is a wealth of information. Marcelle is an author, speaker, and educator in the arenas of neurodiversity and employment. Her memoir, Everyday Aspergers, highlights what it's like growing up and living as an autistic female. If you want to check out her work and the services she offers, you can visit myspectrumsuite.com.
Today, I want to share with you one of her blog posts, as she shares it from the view of being a parent. It is specifically written as a parent of an autistic child, but I think her points are just as valid for parents of kids with all sorts of diagnoses. "How I Would Free my Spectrum Daughter" might be a bit different than you'd expect, in the best way possible. I think you'll really enjoy her take on parenting.
How I Would Free my Spectrum Daughter
by Marcelle Ciampi
1. I would learn everything I could about the autism spectrum conditions through reputable sources; and then readily forget everything I knew and recognize my daughter is a unique individual with exact perfection and a glorious light.
2. I would acknowledge each and every way my daughter’s actions reflect a behavior that in some way makes me believe that I am affected. What is it that she is doing that is causing discomfort to me? would be a question I would demolish.
I’d whole-heartedly embrace the conclusion that I am the only one choosing to be in a state of discomfort based on someone else’s actions. And in truth, my reactions have a direct effect on everyone around me. My ‘job’ as a parent, if I were to assign an exact duty, would be to reflect back to my daughter her beauty, and nothing more.
3. I would concentrate on the definitions of imperfection, flawed, wrong, and normal. I’d understand all words are man-made and invented, that even the deepest of spiritual beliefs and psychology have been spoon-fed from man to man, and thusly infected and created into something man-based.
With man comes fear. I would readily announce the fear in me, and the fear related to my daughter’s “condition.” I would see that all my discomfort is based primarily on two things: Fear and not living in the present.
4. In seeing I am nothing but the present moment, and that my daughter is thusly only in the present, I would establish a way in which I could practice moment-by-moment being there in a state of grace for my daughter and the rest of family, friends, and society.
I would grow as a role model for my daughter, a person of inner-security, unconditional love, and acceptance. I would discard robes of non-authenticity, fear-based projection of self onto others, the selfish feeding that society dictates from mass media, big business, and politics.
I would embrace the light of my child as my divine teacher and establisher of the breaking of norms to set my own soul free.
5. I would ask her to teach me what she knows, and try to experience the world through her eyes and senses, while recognizing her way is not right or wrong, and just is.
I would understand she needs no fixing or alterations, and that in healing my own spirit and aches and longings, and by being in a state of centeredness and balance, she, as I to her, can grow into a reflection of me.
6. I would stop taking her to professionals who are not heart-mind centered and well-established in their own inner awareness, growth, love, and beauty. I would expose her to people that resonate at a high vibration of acceptance.
I would break up with all relations that fed off of her energy, goodness, innocence, and purity. Recognizing she, like me, is born in beauty in perfection, I would establish an environment in which she could be the best of who she is: authentic in all ways and all degrees.
7. If I ever felt embarrassed or ashamed, I would recognize I have bought into the illusion of normalcy and the right way to be. I would declare there is no ‘right’ way to myself and to my child, and celebrate not what is good in her—for to do so would be to automatically judge and establish bad. Instead I would celebrate her in completion, for the gift of her in my life, for the way she has helped me to transition and grow as a person.
8. I would immerse her in her pleasures and passions; knowing her interests are the only means of escaping the chaos of a delusional world that breeds off of profit, greed, lies, and game playing.
I would understand that she sees through the veil of illusion, and is entirely awoken to the process transpiring before her. That to her the world is scary because the people are scary in their attempts to be loved through fear and imaginings.
I would dive deep within and embrace my authentic being, risking like I never have and dying a thousand upon a thousand deaths. And through my own dark night of the soul, reestablished in my own profound light and knowing of All, I would return the light upon my daughter.
Her established and well-pruned light of goodness. I would return not what was taken, but smothered by my own misjudgment and yearnings. I would thank her repeatedly for her gift of self.
9. I would expose her to life. I would teach her all is okay. But I would not take her where she chose not to go.If she was demolished in spirit in a social environment, I would not expose her over and over again.
She is not lacking in her ability to associate with others and be in ‘public’ places. She knows the rules, she knows the game. What she is ‘lacking’ is the blindfold to pretend she is someone she is not in order to be falsely accepted by others pretending to be someone they are not.
She recognizes the soul eyes of the ones weeping and the bleeding, pierced hearts. The sorrow is everywhere, and the heart songs are locked away in over-burdened spirits, so lost upon self their suffering seizes the very encasement of my seeing daughter.
And here she is rocked in so much confusion and pain, she longs for escape and safety. Returning her again and again to a place of non-awareness and imaginary games does nothing to lift her or gather her from one skill-level to another; it only reminds her, the overexposure to the ways of the world, how very different, lost, and alone she feels.
10. I would connect her to all awakened souls, so deemed awakened by her, more so than by me. Whether this be the towering trees, the preacher on the street, the homeless man, the priest, the Buddhist on the corner, or the birds in the garden, I would take her there.
I would take her into the deep philosophical teachings of ancient scriptures of all denominations and let her find the interwoven connections. I would teach her through example to love all unconditionally, to accept all unconditionally, to erase dogma and the illusion of how things have to be.
I would teach her, through my very existence, that she is such a joy and gift to the world, and that to let her fly through the removal of my own blinders is to me my own greatest gift to all. I would recognize I can never accept my daughter until I accept the completeness of my own self, and in turn, accept the completion in her.
Once accepted, my own perception of the world shall grant my daughter the freedom she brought upon me. The release of the self-afflicted self to the service of all. Here I would teach her, through my own being, that her gift shall serve the world, and in so serving the world, she shall be eternally free.
Original article: https://neuroclastic.com/2019/06/23/autistic-autism-daughter/
You can get in touch with Marcelle Ciampi through:
LinkedIn: Marcelle Ciampi